Did you know your brain is a matchmaker?
Okay, I’m not quite talking about romantic matchmakers (those who bring people together to form potential romantic relationships), but maybe it could work!
I’m talking about the reticular activating system (RAS), which filters out unnecessary information in the out-realm to match what you’re thinking. (Yes, we’re turning up the “nerd” volume!)
For example, have you ever test-driven a car and then noticed that same car just about everywhere? After Phillip and I test drove a RAV4 hybrid one rainy evening, we started to notice RAV4s on the way home and during our commutes. That was the brain’s RAS at work, matchmaking!
What does this have to do with relationships? How can we harness this newfound power to fuel our love lives like a rocket ship?
Well, it’s mindset work. Your brain’s matchmaking skills can be used like the law of attraction on steroids. Bring mantras into the mix and you’re solid, because thoughts and feelings have energy. For those who need a refresher, mantras are “tools for the mind,” such as positive words, phrases, and sentences we tell ourselves to find peace and open creative pathways. (Yes, we’re also turning up the “spiritual” volume!)
They can be as simple as “I love myself” or “I am lovable.” You can even add a “because” statement and go on and on. They need to be in present tense and believable (for yourself) so good feelings will come with them.
Here are some others:
I’m a catch because I have a beautiful, confident, and unique personality.
I love myself because I have so much to offer the world.
I treat myself well because my body and I are a team.
I have a wonderful relationship because we’re compatible like puzzle pieces.
I’m happily single because I’m focusing on myself first.
I bring tremendous value to my relationship because I prioritize it.
Whatever happens after this first date, I’m a better person for trying something new and giving it my all.
I’m taking a leap of faith with this man because our relationship gives me purpose.
I complete myself.
Repeat, repeat, repeat. The more you “mantra,” the more the RAS will help you transform your belief system and change your life.
P.S. Skeptical? I was, too. But you have nothing to lose if you try this for a day, a week, a month… Make it fun! I’m experimenting with it as you read this!
P.S.S. I learned this stuff from a “brain trainer” who uses neuroscience and mantras to help people improve their lives. (Her practice is mostly for entrepreneurs, but you can absolutely use these techniques for your romantic life.)
More cool stuff on the powerful brain:
- Physicist William Tiller was able to capture his (positive) thoughts into a black box to aid in fruit fly development. (Search “William Tiller,” “Lamarckian Theory,” or “fruit fly experiment.”)
- In an episode of the HBO documentary series “America Undercover,” a woman named Barb has dissociative personality disorder (formerly called “multiple personality disorder”), or DID. As “Barb,” she wears glasses. But when the little girl “Mae” takes the wheel in her brain, she doesn’t need glasses. Trippy, right?! Read more about it in brain trainer Dana Wilde’s book. (Search for “Barb.”)
If the time is right and you need help getting from “anxious and insecure” in your relationship to “peaceful,” then fill out the easy form toward the bottom of this page. I’ll be in touch ASAP.
Interested but not ready to commit to a coaching relationship? Grab your earbuds or turn on your Bluetooth to listen to “Your Relationship Is History—Unless You Fix These 3 Things That Are Making You Crazy.”