Have you ever found yourself putting together a list of characteristics you want in a romantic partner?
Little by little, you constructed a Sim in your mind with movie star looks (or maybe just someone as good-looking as you are, if not better), a charming personality (or maybe just someone as charming as you are, if not more), and rich pockets (or maybe someone making as much as you are, if not more).
But with each man you’ve met and each relationship you’ve formed in real life, they just haven’t been that square peg you want to fit into that square hole. You’re looking for the opposite sex version of yourself like a police dog looking for drugs.
Why haven’t any of those men fit the ticket? You think, “Surely, the right person for me is going to be a version of me, or we just won’t get along.”
Well, I was that person many years ago, expecting my male clone, because rom coms (romantic comedies) more or less told me that was how it was done. You come up with a “perfect man” list, and you look for the opposite sex version of yourself—that person who “completes” you, almost like you’re looking at your “man self” in a mirror.
But like you, I never found that person. (Well, the closest I’ve gotten to the opposite sex version of me is a colleague at my day job, but he’s more of a brother than a romantic interest.) Why? Because I argue there’s only one of you and me, and that’s hard to replicate.
Also, it just wouldn’t work out. Imagine dating someone who has your flaws. I can be very opinionated, stubborn, a picky eater, and selective of my friends. Imagine the chaos that would ensue if my partner had those traits as part of his blueprint.
My partner Phillip eats just about everything, likes just about everyone, and we accept each other for who we are.
You need someone who complements you like your fingers when you clasp your hands, not someone who aligns with you like you align your hands in “prayer emoji” form 🙏. Hopefully that makes sense.
So, put aside similar looks, incomes, education levels, ages, etc. for things like kindness, consistency, and character. Throw away that “perfect man” list like I did.
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