If you have a broken bone, you don’t ignore it and hope the problem will go away; you go to a specialist to fix it. The same can go for dating in a world of bad advice and sexism.
Here’s what might be “broken” in the dating life of a smart, successful, and fiercely independent millennial STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) woman like you:
You work long hours in the lab, travel from job to job, or just never prioritized dating.
Your confidence and intellect intimidate men stuck in traditional gender roles.
The matches you get on dating sites and apps suck; they can’t keep up with you intellectually or with your busy STEM career.
Men feel cock-blocked when you engage in a debate with them about something like global warming. Suddenly being smart and scientific isn’t sexy.
You’re outnumbered in a male-dominated field, dealing with sexism, in turn lowering your confidence elsewhere, including in the dating world.
You prefer working with machines than meeting new people. Because people = drama.
You’d rather flip society the bird and dream up ways to change the world with science than put in the time to find a mate.
You wonder why you keep seeing men go for bimbos instead of a smart, successful, fiercely independent woman like you who has much more to offer.
Maybe you’ve established yourself in your STEM career, have a mortgage, and feel ready to date, but when you look at the clock (your biological clock, that is, because you’re in your 30s), you begin to panic because you feel like you’ve missed the man boat.
Maybe you’ve put in the time to date, but you’ve found yourself left in the dust because the man (or woman) you were seeing disappeared.
Or maybe you’ve considered leaving the STEM field altogether because, in your mind, that would make you seem more feminine and romantically eligible.
You’re not alone, and you have every right to feel angry, confused, panicked, and cynical. Countless smart, successful, fiercely independent millennial STEM women are in the same situation, and I’ve been there, too.
Here are some hard and empowering truths about dating in the 21st century.
Dating in the real world is not like a romantic comedy. Men are imperfect like we are.
There are quality single men out there who would do anything to date a smart, successful, fiercely independent STEM woman like you.
You are not too late to the dating game and you have not missed any boat. Even if you are in your 30s. You can change the world and find a quality man, if you have the right balance.
Yes, you need to take a break from the lab and put in effort to find that quality man. He very likely won’t just show up at your doorstep.
Yes, dating is a skill that you need to learn over time.
Yes, it takes time and persistence to find what dating coach/consultant Evan Marc Katz calls “a nice guy with balls,” without settling.
Yes, dating sites and apps can work if used intelligently and effectively.
Yes, confidence and brains are sexy.
And believe it or not, the man (or woman) you’re looking for is very likely not who you’re expecting.
How do I know?
Because I’m a 30-year-old millennial STEM woman in a rock-solid relationship.
I was only 26 when I met the man I’m with, but it took much learning and deep work before I decided to become the CEO of my love life and treat men like they were interviewing at my company.
I had to learn to be patient with my man.
I had to learn to compromise with him.
I learned to be present with him.
I learned to hold up a mirror to my face when I found myself nit-picking his imperfections.
I learned that chemistry can blind and compatibility is key.
I learned to make behavioral shifts without changing who I am.
I learned to tap into more of my feminine side while staying true to my smart, successful, fiercely independent STEM woman self.
And so much more.
So, imagine your life months, even weeks, from now.
Men (or women) are flocking to you because you give off a sweet, sultry air of confidence.
Men (or women) are not disappearing from you after a month of dating. (Or if they are, you’ll be able to handle it with confidence and grace and learn something from it.)
Men (or women) are giving you the respect you deserve, and it’s leading to a rock-solid relationship that allows you to change the world with your STEM career and have a love life.
You’ve found the man (or woman) of your dreams and decide to get exclusive.
Or, if you opt out of a romantic relationship for now, you’re crushing the single life (a relationship with yourself) and dating for fun and with ease.
How you’ll get results:
As your dating coach, I’ll assume you’re the foremost expert on your life. All we need to do is bring out your inner genius.
What My Clients Have to Say:
Hi, I’m Holly
and I’m a millennial STEM woman just like you. In a world of bad advice and sexism, I help millennial STEM women who feel lost at sea in their dating lives.
I let the media brainwash me as a teenager, giving me unrealistic expectations about dating and relationships and how men operate.
As I got older, I let sexism dictate my life and confidence in a male-dominated field. And on dates, I intimidated men stuck in traditional gender roles because I was smart, successful, and fiercely independent.
A dating coach helped me better understand men and date smarter, and I’m here to pay it forward as yours. I’m a dual certified life coach through the International Coaching Federation, and I’m here to help.
How your life will change from working with me:
You’ll better understand men, the difference between chemistry and compatibility, and how to make dating easier and more fun.
You won’t let intimidated men throw you off your game, and you’ll know how to make time for dating while living your smart, successful, and fiercely independent lifestyle.
Dating will become second nature, because together, we’ll crack that code—just like you unlock secrets to the natural world in your STEM research.
You’ll attract quality (wo)men into your life and confidently eliminate the ones who don’t fit the ticket. Yes, you’ll be able to tell early on whether or not to waste your time with the wrong person.
You’ll stop overanalyzing dates, playing games, worrying about the “right” timeline to get married, and wasting time trying to change the person into the partner of your dreams.
You’ll confidently become the CEO of your love life and beyond.
And so much more.
You might be thinking, “That’s all well and good, but…”
How can you guarantee that I’ll be in a successful relationship by the end of our time together?
You’re right, I can’t guarantee anything. But I can promise that if you show up, be present, and give it your all, you’ll have so much more direction and understanding in the dating Wild West than when you started, which is the value you’re looking for if you’re on this website. In the end, your success is up to you.
What if I commit and then decide to split?
If you feel like you’re not getting the value you’re looking for after the first session, then I’ll give you a full refund and send you on your merry way.
Why should I pay you to be my dating coach?
It’s perfectly understandable that you would ask that, given that you can find free advice on the Internet and I don’t have a psychology degree. However, you might not find the quality advice you need on the Interwebz (since anyone can be an “expert”); instead, you might need to work with someone (like me) who spent countless hours in coach training from a top-tier institution (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, or iPEC) who will help you keep your eye on the prize. Not to mention that I practice what I preach (stuff I learned the hard way and from another dating coach) and have been in a rock-solid relationship for several years.
Still on the fence?
That’s okay! It’s a commitment to invest in yourself and your love life.
But if you were to move forward in a “business as usual” scenario, then how can you expect to make an effective difference in your dating life? How is what you’re doing now helping you succeed?
The media and Internet are plagued with bad dating advice from so-called “experts”—I learned this hard truth the hard way, and I wish I could have saved time going on bad dates, wallowing in self-doubt, and trying to understand men.
It doesn’t have to be that way. A dating coach who’s been there and done that can help you arrive at a dating paradise beyond your wildest dreams.
This is the lifestyle you deserve as a smart, successful, fiercely independent millennial STEM woman.