Sometimes readers write in with dating and relationship questions, so I thought I’d try something a little different by answering one on the blog.
One reader (whom we’ll call “Ramona”) wrote in:
I like a guy who probably doesn’t like me back. Should I tell him anyway, or keep it to myself?
In true life coaching, the coach asks the client open-ended, empowering questions to help the client arrive at her own answers (as opposed to a consultant, who tells the client what to do).
A few questions come to mind off the bat. One is “Tell me what you mean by ‘probably.’” What are the indicators that he “probably” doesn’t like you back?
Given that we all live through our own filters, we might interpret someone’s words and body language to mean one thing, even if the intended message was different.
Second, I might also ask you to lay out the pros and cons of telling him. If the worst case scenario is that he doesn’t like you back, then you’re both on the same page and can move on. If the best case scenario is that he likes you back, then you can take this on a date!
Finally, what does your gut tell you about whether or not to tell him? In the end, the client has the best judgment on her life, so why not trust your intuition?
In the end, I can tell you from experience that men will typically pursue you if they want to get to know you. The night Phillip and I met, he stepped up and asked for my number at the end of the evening, texting me two days later.
And, while minimally related, I once pursued a guy who I didn’t know had a girlfriend. He didn’t share that information with me, and eventually I found out through social media. My assessment on that is that sometimes “taken” men who are curious about another woman might go as far as boundaries will allow to get to know her. (The same might go for some “taken” women.)
I hope that was helpful! If you’d like to submit a question to be considered for the blog (with names changed), then email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If the time is right and you need help moving away from relationship anxiety and insecurity and toward peace, then fill out the easy form toward the bottom of this page and I’ll be in touch ASAP.
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