TL;DR: Relationship trust involves ingredients like vulnerability and reliability. To rebuild trust once lost, start trusting yourself first.
Let’s talk about relationship trust. If you could rate how well you trust people (including your partner) on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “not at all” and 10 being “always,” where would you stand?
That might be a tough one to answer, but it goes without saying that relationship-building is trust-building. Yet, trust can be difficult to attain, almost like my getting an “A” in math class back in the day. In fact, I’m trying to earn your trust by sending weekly emails and regularly posting on Instagram and YouTube, hoping one day you (or someone you know) and I can form a coaching relationship.
And to build trust involves ingredients like vulnerability and reliability, like the flour and egg to your cake (more active ingredients here). For example, I’ve found that I can be really vulnerable (or just lack a filter LOL) and, hence, the Queen of TMI [insert poop joke here]. On the other hand, I’m guilty of holding others to a super high “reliability” standard because, while I’m not perfect, my mother instilled reliability in me like a rancher brands a cow, or like a kid in detention writes one hundred lines of “Must be reliable” on a chalkboard.
So, when people constantly over-promise and under-deliver, their “reliability” score tends to decline in my book, almost like a crashing stock. That means that once lost, it can be hard to cultivate that trust again (sort of like fixing a broken economy? Okay, making not that extreme).
Given that everyone has their own love story, whether that’s loving yourself or another, how do you (re)build trust? I’ve provided a tidbit buffet below.
Even though we’ve been together for several years, Phillip and I never stop working on our trust. It’s a marathon as long as we keep running it together, like the cross-country run in Forrest Gump. We try to hold each other accountable for our promises while choosing our battles. And no, no one said this was easy, but it takes more effort than work if you’re in a rock-solid relationship.
Ask yourself these questions (inspired by loveisrespect.org) to assess the trust in your relationship (preferably on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “never” and 10 being “always”):
- How much are my partner and I there for each other?
- How consistent are we with each other?
- How often do we say what we mean to each other?
- My trust was broken in the past. How much can I trust again?
Let’s look at that last one, which delivers on the promise I made earlier. (Sorry, it took a while for me to get there!) How can you trust again?
Some of you have figured it out, but as with everything that connects you to the existential out-realm of life, it starts with you, the nucleus. How much do you trust yourself? Once you tap into your inner Super Woman of Self-Love, you can begin to trust others again and know that however you’ve been wronged in the past, it doesn’t mean you’ll be wronged again. Tell that fake news of the mind (fear) to step aside.
If the time is right and you need help moving away from relationship anxiety and insecurity and toward peace, then fill out the easy form toward the bottom of this page and I’ll be in touch ASAP.
Interested but not ready to commit to a coaching relationship? Take this “Relationship Insecurity Quiz” to see where you stand romantically, get tailored results, and get a special surprise afterward!